You, the Apocalypse, and How You Can Survive.

Let's face it; the world is going to end eventually (or at least degrade into a global dystopia). We need to prepare for this inevitable outcome, yet no one really seems concerned. Well, look no farther, because this post will guide you on what you should do for 10 different Apocalypses. That's right: 10!!!!

Zombie Apocalypse: Ah, this is a classic. Zombie infection starts and slowly takes over 99% of the human race. If you happen to have survived the initial infection, here's what you're going to want to do.

• Secure/build a fortress of some kind. Needs to be strong and easily defensible (i.e. no blind spots).
• Gather survivors. They might betray you when things get rough, but if you're worried about that, you can use them as zombie bait.
• Collect supplies. Food and Ammunition are very important for survival (duh).
• Repeat until you either A) Secure a long term location, B) Die

Vampire Apocalypse: And you thought the zombie apocalypse was bad. This is just awful. Vampires are superhuman beings that feed on you, which spreads similar to the zombie infection. Basically, unless your a complete BAMF, you'll die pretty quickly. If you do manage to survive, here's what you can do to survive:

• Lay low. For real. Ideally, you can live in an secret underground chamber, but that isn't always plausible.
• Develop insane martial arts/weapon skills. Guns probably won't help you that much against them. Swords, axes, and the like are probably the best bet for a weapon.
• Stay alert. Vampires, unlike zombies, can be very stealthy and can easily kill you if you don't practice CONSTANT DILIGENCE!!

Hostile Alien Invasion: This can vary so much because of a couple factors. Use this quick quiz to determine your course of action:

1. Do they have mind powers?
2. Do they have advanced weaponry?
3. Do they stay in their ships/vehicles?
4. Do they speak English?
5. Are they interesting in dominating Earth?

Results: 

0-1 Yes: Okay, they aren't too powerful, so with some military might and disease, you can probably take them down.

2-3 Yes: Though buggers aren't they? Probably very intelligent compared to humans, but don't let that scare you. Shoot 'em down.

4 Yes: Super strong. It's a long shot, but if you have a brave soul who is willing to suicide bomb the mothership with a weapon/disease/etc..., you can do it. Good luck.

5 Yes: You're screwed. Find another planet.

Global Pandemic: Like a zombie apocalypse, except you can't defend yourself. Isolate yourself from humanity. Then wait (Alternatively, head to Madagascar).

Machine Armageddon: If there's one thing that we have that machines don't, it's stupidity. Machines predict the obvious or intelligent choice, so the stupid choice catches them off guard (Unless it is systematically used). Here are some tips on how to survive:

• Take down the mainframe. This should be your primary objective, as it provides the machines with direction.
• Gun 'em down. Lucky for you, machines are not invincible, so it's just a matter as finding a weakness/weak-point and fill 'em with lead.
• Keep your secure information off of computers if at all possible.

Asteroid Impact: Great. An asteroid is en route to Earth. Determine a course of action based on the size of the asteroid.

• Impact would drastically change surface: Build a fallout shelter for the time of impact, lay low for a few days, and come out when it's safe.
• Impact would destroy the Earth: Build/steal/board a spaceship and get away!!

Global Anarchy: All of the world's governments have collapsed. It's a dog eat dog world where the toughest rule and the weakest crawl away and die. You have a few courses of action:

• Be one of the strong: Take over a place and establish your dominance. This makes you a primary target for others who want your property, so it's not the best option.
• Create a closed and mutual/equal settlement: Get some friends, and develop a free and fair society. Beware of conquers.
• Go into hiding.

 Nuclear Holocaust: Build/inhabit one of the new nuclear fallout shelters (These actually work, and only cost a couple hundred-thousand dollars! A worthy investment (I'm not kidding here)). Go into the shelter during the holocaust and stay there indefinitely

Ice Age: The world froze over. Well, at least your food will be well preserved.  Well, develop a shelter and keep it as warm as possible. Stay there unless it is necessary to venture out. If it is, dress warmly and go in groups.

Natural Disaster: Nature decided to give you some payback for all the crap she put up with. Yeah, this is the apocalypse as predicted by Revelations. Basically, natural disasters will tear up the world. All you can do is build a shelter and hope it holds.

That's all for this week. Enjoy your winter break~!

Professor of the Blog