I was going to title this "I'm not lazy" but that wasn't random enough.

According to the Feedjit map, we have yet to score any hits from Japan. For that reason, I imagine very few of you have heard of Hayao Miyazaki.
Miyazaki is one of the premier anime writer/directors in Japan, whose movies have enjoyed legendary popularity both domestically and overseas, mainly because they're awesome. However, they are going to have trouble taking over the wor- er, reaching viewers... unless people like me come along and do reviews like the one below. I have yet to watch every Miyazaki movie, but I have seen three of the most popular ones, and read a bit about a fourth, so I see no reason not to consider myself decently qualified. Unless of course some other author has seen more Miyazaki animes than I, in which case I declare them lazy for not making this post sooner.
In the order in which I first saw them:

Princess Mononoke
Synopsis: In a fictional version of feudal Japan, there is a huge forest that covers most of the land, in which live a host of nature spirits. The most important spirits are the animal gods, who can apparently speak telepathically take the form of  giant versions of their patron animal, and the Forest Spirit, which appears to be a pimped-out deer with a human face and who turns into Godzilla every night. Or something to that effect. Anyway, one day a boar god goes crazy and attacks a small village, and in his efforts to repel it, Ashitaka becomes infected with some type of computer-generated worm stuff, which will gradually kill him if he can't find some miracle cure. Thus, he goes off in search of a miracle cure, eventually encountering a mining settlement where Lady Ivoshi and her cronies are destroying the forest (because that's what humans do). The settlement is being plagued by a girl from the forest who was allegedly raised by wolves and may or may not be the title character.
Opinions: AWESOME. But other than that, sort of weird, and heavy on the gore at times. For example, in the beginning you get to watch a giant boar rot to nothing in five seconds. It has some kind of weird parts, like the climax scenes involving uh, the climactic parts I refuse to spoil, and suspension of disbelief is necessary, as in all the Miyazaki movies I've seen (in fact, all animes in general), to get through the dramatic parts. All in all, if you have restricted yourself to only watching one of the movies reviewed here, you should watch this one.

Spirited Away
Synopsis: Chihiro, a whiney ten-year-old, is upset (big surprise) about her family moving and having to go to a new school. The long, boring car ride isn't helping, but it is conveniently interrupted shortly after the title shot when her dad falls into the stereotypical husband driver trap of getting lost and taking a "shortcut" through some mysterious woods. There is some obvious foreshadowing when Chihiro's mom tells her that the little house-shaped rocks are supposedly the homes of little spirits. Eventually they come to what the dad claims is an abandoned theme park, where the parents are both distracted by the smell of some irresistible food. Of course, they can't control themselves and pig out, leaving Chihiro to her own devices (Irresponsible parents For The Fail!). She wanders off and suddenly runs into this androgynous-looking guy Haku, who tells her she must flee immediately. She fails. Night falls, and it turns out that the theme park is actually some sort of portal to a parallel universe with very few humans and lots of weird stuff. Eventually her adventures with witches, dragons, babies, and killer paper planes reform Chihiro into a uh, less of a wimp.
Opinions: AWESOME. But other than that, sort of weird. I had to watch the first half of this movie like four times before I could get to the end, because my video player decided that it would only sync up the audio and video if I watched the movie from the beginning and watched all the way through in one sitting. (BLAARGH). So I didn't have much brainpower left to reflect much on the movie while watching it. What I did come away with was that Chihiro must have had muscular dystrophy or anorexia, because she was morbidly skinny, and that the witch had a really big head. At times the movie was cute, at others very exciting, and at others overly mysterious, so one may wish to watch this movie twice to straighten all the plot out in their head. If you've already seen Princess Mononoke, this is a must-see, and the amount of references to it you're bound to run into at conventions make it a worthwhile movie with which to be familiar.


Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Synopsis: In the future, mankind will continue to develop industrially until we've poisoned the crap out of the poor planet and our wars with each other have driven us near to extinction. The giant terminators with lazer breath don't help. Over the next thousand years, a "toxic jungle" arises and begins spreading out over the world. Its plants are invariably poisonous and even breathing near the jungle will kill a human in five minutes. (Sounds like Avatar, now that I think about it...) Near this jungle, but conveniently upwind of it, is the Valley of the Wind, in which lives (yes, you guessed it - did you figure it out all by yourself or was it mentioned in the title?) a girl named Nausicaa. They're going to have really weird names in the future. Nausicaa likes to explore the toxic jungle (with a gas mask of course), and at the movie's opening she stumbles across the discarded exoskeleton of a giant arthropod known as an Ohmu (pronounced "Ohm"). The Ohmu itself is engaged in chasing around a friend of hers, lord Yupa, who has a giant mustache that makes you wonder what he needs a gas mask for. She comes to his rescue with a bunch of flashbangs, with which she is able to distract the insect and lead it back to the jungle with nobody getting hurt. She is obviously very good with animals, a skill which will come in handy later in the movie. She then flies home on a very awesome portable plane thing, which is very awesome and something I want to have. However, that night the valley is shocked  by the appearance of an enormous airship (read: ridiculously large plane), which crashes and reveals its cargo to include a giant fly; Princess Lastelle, who has been taken prisoner aboard the craft; and a great big heart-looking thing. Adventures ensue.
Opinions: AWES- anyway... The movie starts off very cold and depressing, but as it progresses either you get used to it or the tone warms up a bit. It is a prime example of Miyazaki's purported fascination with flight, which allows for a few aerial fight scenes. Suspension of disbelief is necessary to get through the claims that the whole jungle and its giant insect inhabitants all evolved within only a thousand years. On the whole, not quite the average person's movie - you have to have some level of attraction to the weird and as little as possible of an aversion to bugs. Liberal on the explosions and on humongous stuff, and somewhat bland in color, though that may be because it was made in 1984 or something. The music is definitely 80s movie music, but that's okay. The movie's overall atmosphere is slightly similar to that of the original "The Never-Ending Story," but fortunately less mucky and boring. Definitely worth the two hours of life it takes to watch, especially for, as with "Spirited Away," the ability to get all the references at conventions. Also an edifying glimpse into the earlier forms of anime in terms of art style and theme choice. The final selling point is that there is a surprise near the end for all you Shoop da Whoop fans.

Ponyo
Synopsis: I haven't actually seen Ponyo yet, but it's tentatively on my "to watch" list. The commercials reveal that the subject is a boy who lives near a rocky seashore, a la "Water Horse." Instead of an egg, however, he finds a goldfish who has miraculously managed to survive in saltwater (coughsuspensionofdisbeliefcough), and who is supposedly the princess of goldfish or something. She really wants to be a human, and of course for the sake of having a plot she must have found some way to get her wish. Adventures ensue, which if the commercial says anything will involve boats, big waves, swimming through clouds of jellyfish, and lots of jumping.
Opinions: I haven't watched it yet, you n00b. Okay, I guess I have a couple preliminary judgments. Seems much more "normal" than Miyazaki's other movies, possibly because it was released just over a year ago and better suits our modern cultural tastes, and possibly because Disney is somehow part of the deal. Man, they're involved in a lot of movies. The theme reminds me of "Water Horse," as I have mentioned, substituting a goldfish for the Loch Ness monster. Go ahead and watch it if you like and tell me how it turned out.

WHEW that was a lot of typing.